In Secret

In secret
In the quiet stillness
Before the dawn of a new day
You work

Your hands
Those of a skilled Master Potter
Form
And transform
My heart

I couldn’t resist if I tried
Helpless without You
I surrender
To Your touch
And
To Your relentless love

I know You’re answering my prayers
I know Your work is always good
But I never expected it to look ~
Like this
Or to feel ~
Like this

So I let go
Of my expectations
My desires
My demands
Again and again
And again
I let go
Of everything …
Everything but You

And I rest
I rest in the stillness
I rest in the quiet
Most of all
I rest in You

In secret
I feel as though
I’m being born again …
Again
What was before
Will never be again
What was once clear and simple
Will never again make sense
But Your grace is sufficient
Always
Still
Forever
Your grace is sufficient
For me

I’ve often wondered how I came to this place
This place of uncertainty
This place of such pain
But then I remember …
I asked for this
I volunteered

I said yes

I asked You to open my eyes
And You did
To darkness beyond comprehension
To pain beyond imagination

I asked You to break my heart
With the things that break Your own
And You did
Into a million tiny pieces

So here I am
Here I am with You
You’ve hidden me
In the palm of Your hand
You’ve hidden me
Under the shadow of Your wings
And here
In secret
You’re putting me back together

It doesn’t look very pretty from the outside
I feel so weak
Yet somehow I’m stronger
My heart has been shattered
Yet somehow I’m more whole
I tremble before You
Sometimes immobilized by fear
Yet somehow braver than ever
And absolutely
Completely
Unflinchingly
Resolute in the knowledge
That darkness
Will never, ever
Win

So in secret
You work
My body is tired
My soul is weary
But my spirit is alive
Awake
Alert
And ready

Because I haven’t changed my mind
I won’t change my mind
And when You say it’s time
I’ll leave this cocoon
And once again …

I’ll go


4 thoughts on “In Secret

  1. Wow Friend! My soul testifies to these words, I’m overwhelmed right now, you wrote what I just spoke out loud this morning regarding “Expectations” and I didn’t understand, but reading this made my heart say, “Yes!….Yes!….Yes!”

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