There are a lot of things I am not:
I am not a particularly gifted person. Heaven knows, I’m not a very together person. I’m not super popular, or charismatic, or thoughtful, or giving, or an “everybody-wants-to-be-around-you” kind of person.
I’m not filled with extraordinary revelation, or amazing spiritual insights. I’m not crazy creative. I’m not cool or in tune with what is “in”—like, not even a little bit.
These are just a few of the many things I am not. Just a few that are particularly loud in my head and heart tonight.
But I do have one rather amazing, frequently overlooked, and almost universally underestimated superpower:
I show up.
I show up in spite of my many moods and frequently shifting emotions.
I show up in spite of my occasionally debilitating doubts and fears.
I show up in spite of my chronic lack of confidence and frequent sense of failure.
I show up when common sense says don’t bother.
I show up when I feel wounded and misunderstood.
I show up when I’ve inadvertently wounded and misunderstood others.
I show up when I’m not sure people want to be around me.
I show up when I don’t want to be around me.
I show up when it would be easier—so much easier—to run the other way.
Don’t get me wrong, I show up imperfectly. I love imperfectly. I try imperfectly. I communicate imperfectly (boy, do I communicate imperfectly).
But I do show up.
That’s because long before I started showing up for life in all its inglorious messiness …I started showing up before the throne of grace.
And when I show up before the throne of grace…
He shows up.
And He keeps showing up.
He keeps showing up to hold me … to build me…to encourage me … to strengthen me… to remind me that no matter who I am not, He knows who I am…
And I am His.
I am loved.
I am enough.
Even when I can’t see a single good thing in myself, I can still see Him. When I see Him, I see myself in Him. In Him, I am complete and whole…
Even when I feel exactly the opposite.
In His presence, my superpower is recharged. And, once I again…
I show up.
Note: I wrote this for myself…for my own catharsis, really. I don’t think it makes for a super uplifting blog so I wasn’t sure if I would post it. This isn’t how I feel ALL the time, but it is how I was feeling when I wrote it. I would prefer to hide—or at least minimize—my very real struggles with lingering insecurities and “issues.” But I find that when I am vulnerable enough to share some of the most raw and real parts of my own process and journey, others who are struggling—perhaps even more deeply than I am—find their own catharsis. And if that happens, maybe it will allow them to take a baby step toward just a little more of their own healing. Maybe it will even help them find their own superpower… so they can keep showing up, too.
PLEASE show up. We need you.
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
-Isaiah 41:10 NLT