My heart is longing …
My heart is aching …
Not stuff. Not revelation. Not answers.
Not something great to write. Or something great to say. Not something great to accomplish. Or something great to do.
There are things I want. There are things I do want to understand. Things I do want to say. Things I do want to see. Things I want to do want to accomplish …
But I ache for … I long for …
I don’t have this thing figured out. I don’t have a particularly great handle on life. I don’t even feel like I have a grip on my own emotions half the time.
One day I think I know something, the next day I don’t. One day I think things are moving in a particular direction, the next day it all turns around … or grinds to a halt … or evaporates altogether.
And I find myself scratching my head … not sure what to hope for … what to dream about … what to believe …
But it’s okay.
(No, really, it’s totally okay.)
I’m not giving up.
I’m not giving in.
I’m just refocusing …
And setting my heart once again …
I may not understand everything, but there are a few things I do understand …
~The grace in his eyes.
~The kindness in his touch.
~The tenderness in his voice.
~The goodness in his heart.
~The beauty of his peace.
And when I find myself at the end of me … at the end of my strength … at the end of my understanding …
I find myself where I really need to be …
In his arms.
In his presence.
At his feet.
The place I can let go … really let go.
The place where the things that don’t matter … really don’t matter.
The place where … instead of falling to pieces … I fall into peace.
The peace I have in Jesus.