Besides pretty much giving Him a blanket yes before I know the question, there have been many very specific yeses, in regard to very specific invitations. Usually, the invitation seemed weighty and came with a specific assignment. Usually, there were many confirming words, much prayer, and much potential for impact. Usually, obedience was costly.
And usually, the outcome has resulted in failure, disappointment, fizzled potential, or even worse, just a whole lot of nothing.
It’s puzzling. Often, I can’t help but feel I’ve missed something … missed an opportunity … missed the timing … missed His voice. Or maybe I lacked the drive… lacked the perseverance … lacked the character to carry the assignment? Often, I can’t help but feel that I lacked or missed that intangible “something” that would have brought greater favor and fruitfulness to my yes.
It’s never been for lack of seeking Him. Nor has it been for lack of trying. Heaven knows how hard I’ve tried. I’ve let go. I’ve held on. I’ve waited. I’ve stepped out. I’ve done whatever I’ve known to do that I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually capable of doing. But when I look back, I can’t see what it was I may have missed. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t there—I can always see tons that I needed to learn—it just means if I went back, I’d do (or not do) the very same things based on what I knew, understood, and was capable of at the time.
So here I am. Lots of yeses and not a lot to show for them. Some have eventually drifted from my heart and mind. Others still burn within my soul. All remain shrouded in more than a bit of mystery.
Today I’m pondering yet another yes that seems to be turning into a circumstantial no. I’ve done everything I know to do. Prayed every way I know to pray. Stood every way I know to stand. For some time now, I’ve simply waited with my eyes on Him. Now it seems the cloud is moving without any resolution or breakthrough. More perplexity; more promises and potential yet to be fulfilled.
There may not be any resolution, but there is peace in the midst of the puzzle. I was sitting with Jesus this evening pondering not just the current situation, but many others through the years. Before I was able to articulate any of the questions swirling around in my thoughts, He tenderly spoke to my heart:
Every yes matters.
Every yes matters to Him. It is enough. The results are not my responsibility. What other people think or assume is not my responsibility.
Faithfulness is my responsibility.
The attitude of my heart matters far more to Him than any expected outcome. We are wired, particularly in the west, for results. It’s how we define success. We want things to make some sort of logical sense and to line up with our beliefs and expectations. If you do this, you get this. But the Kingdom doesn’t operate that way. He doesn’t want my achievements, He simply wants my yes.
He still has it.
Because every yes matters.