Wanting to Want More


There is so much more I want to tell you but you can’t bear it now.”

I want to ache for what He wants to say, more than I do for what I need to hear.

I want to be as aware of His longing and desires, as I am of my own.

I want to know what’s on His mind, and not be absorbed with my own thoughts and concerns.

I want to leave the shallow waters of my own insecurity and comfort, and dive fearlessly into the unfathomable depths of His nature and ways.

I want to want more.

I want to want Him more.

I want to want Him as much as I’d like to think I want Him.

I want to want Him beyond what’s comfortable.

I want to want Him beyond what seems reasonable and wise.

I want to want Him beyond the words I say.

At times, the words come easily
But oh how I limit Him
I limit Him with such a high awareness of me
…Of my comfort
…Of my needs
…Of my opinions and boundaries
When He has already promised
And proven
To be my all-in-all.

Oh Lord, expand my capacity to know You – to love You – to see as You see and love as You love.

I suspect it will take all of this lifetime—
And then through all of eternity
But I will not be satisfied
Until I awake in Your image.

Sometimes we need to take inventory. Sometimes we need to be fearlessly honest about our level of spiritual maturity and Christlikeness. This is never, ever, for condemnation or punitive reasons. It is just to recognize where we need to grow so He can meet us there and take us a little further.

Lately I have noticed that a lot of what I hear from the Lord is the same reassurances over and over again. I know it is because I’ve continued to need those reassurances—sometimes desperately. And, true to who He is, He provides what I need. But what if I didn’t need to keep hearing them? What might He be sharing with me instead?

Again, there is no shame or condemnation in this process. I am where I am. He certainly can’t meet me where I am not. Pretending to be further along, or even worse, truly believing we are somewhere we are not, just causes delay and stunts our growth further.

So awareness is good. And lately I’ve been becoming a bit more aware. A bit more awake. A bit more aligned with the reality that if I want to move much beyond where I am, it will involve greater intentionality on my part.

I am also 100% aware that I can’t make forward progress by myself. It sounds like a contradiction, but it’s not. I can’t heal myself. I can’t reach the deep, broken places in my heart that only He can change. But what I CAN do is give Him greater access by being willing to see those places and by actively agreeing with what His word has to say about those things.

It is a dance. I lean into grace—content and thankful for all He has already done. I rest in the assurance of His faithfulness to complete all He has started. All the while remaining keenly aware of my tendency to settle for less than complete wholeness. But I want to want more. I long to stay close enough to respond to every faint whisper of His heart—including the longing that I will continue to desire to grow strong enough to bear those things He cannot yet share.

Many are called but few are chosen. I want to choose—and keep on choosing—to be chosen. There are many things I do not control, but I can control my choices. Today I choose:

– To want to want more.
– To consider myself with sober judgment without giving into hopelessness or condemnation.
– To press on to lay hold of that for which Christ laid hold of me.
– To never be satisfied until I awake in His image.

If that takes all of eternity, so be it. He has already been waiting a long time. If He’s not in a hurry, then neither am I.

Lord, today, always, and forever, I choose life. Abundant life. Your life.

I choose You.

So, Spirit of Truth come—please—and lead me into all truth. Lead me into MORE. 

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