I haven’t been posting a lot lately. My thoughts and attention have been elsewhere. I can only do so many things and do them well, so I’ve learned not to force the areas that don’t seem to be flowing. I have a very high value for being intentional with my time and resources, and it is for exactly that reason that I haven’t been showing up here too often. I have a couple projects that have been on my heart for a while and in the little “extra” time I have, I know it is more important for me to keep moving forward with those things. I want to make sure I’m moving with Him and only going where He’s going and less posting seems to be the direction … at least for right now.
Writing has always been an important part of my journey–and in the last five or six years, blogging has been one of my primary outlets. Even though things may ebb and flow, I can’t imagine ever stopping completely. Although there have been many, many (did I say many?) times I’ve questioned why I bother to continue to spend so much time and energy pouring out my heart and soul with words, the truth is I would continue to do it in some fashion even if the words I wrote never touched another soul. I would continue to write for me. And even more …
I’d write for Him.
I’ve been feeling really nostalgic about that fact lately. This morning, I was thinking back on the very first poem I ever wrote just for the Lord. Twenty years ago this month, I encountered the love of God for the first time. I mean I really experienced His love. I felt it. And in the midst of such overwhelming love, there seemed to be only one reasonable response–to give Him my everything. Prior to that I believed as much as I understood, but sadly that wasn’t much. I’d had a few significant moments with Him prior to that time, and I’ve had many, many, many since then. But that night twenty years ago was a marker that changed the course of my life. I’ve never, ever regretted the decision to trust my whole heart to Him. Never. Ever. Not once. And although almost nothing since then has gone as I might have imagined, I can honestly say I’ve continued to fall more in love with Him ever since.
I look back on that time and I know that was truly the beginning of my life in Him. To say I’ve never been the same is an understatement. He took a desperate, depressed, weak and incredibly broken young woman and made me strong and whole in Him.
In keeping with the spirit of my nostalgic feelings, I wanted to share the the poem I wrote for Him shortly after that first revelation of “the love of God that passes knowledge”:
Forever My Life is Yours
Pain and fear have long since been
Embedded so deep in my soul
Only my loving Savior’s gentle embrace
Brings the courage to finally let go
Lord, You’ve counted my tears, You alone understand
Such compassion I’ve never known
Yet so undeserved is this mercy and grace
And the incredible kindness You’ve shown
You call me ‘child,’ cradle me in Your arms
And speak to my heart with love
Promising me that You’ll never leave
And healing me with Your touch
I praise Your name for the miracle of faith
That has made my heart truly believe
One by one the chains of my fear will fall
As the light of Your love sets me free
Lord, You know my heart, all that words can’t express
How I long to give You more
And so, my loving Savior, my precious Lord—
Forever, my life is Yours
The line that continues to hit my heart is “One by one the chains of my fear will fall, as the light of Your love sets me free.” I didn’t know it at the time, but I was making a prophetic declaration over my own life. It was a good word 🙂
I know He will love me forever. There is still such profound peace and comfort in that knowledge. And — whatever twists and turns life may take — whatever I am or am not doing — whatever I am or am not writing — wherever His presence leads — now, always, forever …
My life is His