It’s time to choose a door, beloved.
What? How could this be? After years of waiting, I had finally stepped through the door —the door–he had long been promising to open for me.
But I heard him again. This time the Voice was unmistakable.
It’s time to choose a door, beloved.
This other-worldly place I had just entered was brighter than anything imaginable. The light of his countenance was overwhelming — the fragrance of his presence intoxicating. Everything in view was ablaze with his glory. But as he spoke, even through the intense brightness, I was able to make out two banks of doors–one to my right and one to my left. They were of every shape, size, and color and went on as far as my eyes could see–and then some. They seemed to go on forever.
In this wonderful place–this place so completed filled and saturated with his presence–it didn’t seem possible there could be a wrong choice. And yet his words were clear–I needed to make a choice.
I looked down and there was a key in my hand. Instinctively I knew it would open every single door set before me. All this time I had been waiting for him to open a door for me and now … now he wanted me to choose?
How could I? How would I know which door to pick? How could I possibly choose when they all seemed so glorious and desireable? Every single choice came from the goodness of his glory–it was true, there were no bad choices–but I didn’t just want to make a good choice, I wanted to make the very best choice.
“Lord, how can I choose? How will I know which is the best the door for me?”
Again, I heard the Voice.
What do you want, beloved? What do you really, really want?
I stepped tentatively along the path, key in hand. I turned toward a door immediately to my left and started to raise the key to the lock. But at the last second, I froze. I remembered a single sentence he has spoken deeply into my spirit at several key intersections in my life:
Follow your heart, beloved, because your heart follows me.
Suddenly I knew. I turned and darted down the corridor to the right. Completely ignoring several other exquisite doors along the way, in what seemed like a single heartbeat, I ran in a direct line toward a stunning purple door. Then, in one quick, seamless motion, I put the key in the lock and flung open the door.
I started weeping with relief and gratitude as soon as I raced across the threshold. My feet were standing in a broad, wide-open space. And somehow in that broad place, instantly I realized:
I really don’t have to choose. I can have it all.
~I can have it all, because I’ve chosen to love him. I’ve chosen to believe that my eyes have not seen, my ears have not heard, and my mind has not yet conceived what he has prepared for me.
~I can have it all, because I’ve chosen to live as a daughter of the King. It is my Father’s good pleasure to give me the kingdom.
~I can have it all, because I’ve chosen to seek first his kingdom. Because I’ve sought his kingdom first, ALL these things will be added unto me.
~Mostly I can have it all, because I’ve chosen him. And whoever has God has everything.
For years there have been things in my heart–deep things that I can’t properly articulate–that seem to contradict other deep things in my heart. Desires that seem incompatible. Pieces that don’t seem to fit. I’ve always thought I would have to choose. I thought I would have to choose because there didn’t seem to be a way for ALL of those things to coexist.
I was wrong.
I haven’t been able to choose, because he never intended for me to dissect and separate the different parts of my personality, gifts, and calling simply because those things don’t make sense within the current confines of the church and our limited understanding of “ministry” (or even when they simply don’t make sense to me). Just because I haven’t yet seen a place that seems to fit ALL of me, doesn’t mean that broad place doesn’t exist. In fact, I know it does, because now–I’ve seen it. He is the Creator–and if he can create me, he can create the exact circumstances and situations that perfectly fit exactly who he created me to be. He wants ALL of me to fulfill ALL of what he has purposed for me to do.
He really was waiting for me to choose. He was waiting for me to choose to have it all.
Now it’s your turn. Go ahead, ask him …
Is it time to choose a door?