I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be authentically me-especially as it relates to what God has called me to in terms of the message(s) He has given me to communicate. As I was pondering these things, I remembered this post I wrote a few years ago. I think I needed to read it again …
This started out as a very different post. I noticed that my recent writing “style” had been leaning a particular way. It’s not that I necessarily liked it or disliked it–I just wanted to write something different.
I wanted to write something different because sometimes when I look at my own blog … when I see the lovely tranquil header … when I read the serene and spiritual sounding tagline and the many references to “faith” and “beauty” and “simplicity”… when I take in the content of the posts …
Well, sometimes I just can’t relate.
Yep, that’s right. Even though it’s my blog and I’ve written everything on here … sometimes I can’t relate.
I can’t relate because it all ends up sounding so dang spiritual. And frankly, sometimes I feel about as spiritual as a rock. Sometimes–a little too often, really–“tranquility” “stillness” “simplicity” “focus” “peace” and “beauty” do not describe my mood or my life. Sometimes “stressed” “anxious” “distracted” “tired” “numb” and downright “messy” are far more accurate.
So I wanted to try something else. Something that might be a bit more relateable across a broader spectrum. Something that didn’t sound so darn spiritual and hopeful. Something, I don’t know, a little grittier.
Something that seemed more real.
So, um, ask me how it worked out.
Yeah, not so well. After spending a lot of time I didn’t have trying to get something to flow that was never meant to be uncorked in the first place, I finally gave up. I figured I’d try again the next day. But by the time the next day arrived and I got back to it …
He’d already gotten to me.
He = God. As in Father, Son, and Spirit. As in Jesus the Messiah; the Holy One of Israel; the Son of David; Lord of all …
Yeah, that’s the one that always gets to me … Lord. As in He gets to be God and I don’t. As in He gets to be the One who invades everything I do in ways that are, at times, far less convenient and “relatable” than I’d like. But I realized again this morning …
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I wouldn’t have it any other way, because this IS who I am. He invades my life because I’ve invited Him to. The truth is I can’t be any other way, because this is how He made me.
And this is how He’s called me to communicate.
Life is hard sometimes. Really hard. Sometimes circumstances don’t have happy endings–not even close. Honestly, I’ve seen enough of “hard” to last a couple of lifetimes. Most of us have. But I’ve also seen something else …
I’ve seen Him.
And when I see Him, I don’t think about hard–I think about goodness. I think about grace. I think about hope.
I think about happy endings.
I may not always feel spiritual, but my relationship with Jesus and the reality of who I am in Him is not dependent on feelings or circumstances. He is who He is regardless of how I feel. And I am who He says I am regardless of how I feel about myself on any given day.
Who I am is His beloved. What He’s asked me to do is reveal His heart.
It’s really not that complicated.
He hasn’t asked me to be gritty. He hasn’t asked me to try something different. He hasn’t asked me to try to “relate” to as many people as possible. He hasn’t even asked me to try to relate to my own feelings! He’s simply asked me to be who He says I am and release the message He has entrusted to me.
That message is simply this: In the midst of a crazy, mixed up, challenging and pain-filled world–He is good. He is hope. He is peace. He is love.
He is near.
And He is, and forever will be, the God of happy endings.