“Why do you work so hard to find fault with yourself, when I gave everything to find you faultless?”
This was the question I heard last night as I was wrestling through some things with the Lord.
I didn’t have a good answer.
I was pondering a significant area in my life where I really need Him to come through. Rather than rest in His promises and faithfulness, I was going over all the areas where it was possible I missed something … or areas where I probably didn’t respond just right … or maybe I was kidding myself in general and there is no way I wound up in my current situation by following Him. Surely I must have gotten off track somewhere.
After all, the “problem” is never with Him, so it must be me. Right? And if the problem is with me, I guess that lets Him off the hook for coming through.
Writing these thoughts out in black and white makes them sound pretty ridiculous. And they are ridiculous. Focusing on ourselves, in any form, rarely leads to anything good. But sometimes knowing the truth in our heads doesn’t make the struggle any less real.
Sometimes we need to hear Him speak the truth again to our hearts.
That’s exactly what He was doing with His question.
Even when we’re faithless, He remains faithful. Trust is never about proving our faithfulness, it’s about proving His.
But here’s the thing—even on my worst day—I know HE would never call me faithless. I may not get it all just right but with everything I am, I long to follow Him closely. I ache to please Him. I deeply desire to yield my all to Him.
Mostly, I want to love Him well.
Sometimes I love Him best by simply allowing Him to pour His love out on me one more time. By allowing Him to speak truth to the deepest parts of my soul. By allowing Him to break the power of any lie that has momentarily led me away from a place of quiet trust and rest.
So that’s what I did. I let Him love me. I let the truth of His words, once again, restore my soul. And back in that place—that place of quiet trust—that place of hope and confidence—my gaze is never on what I’m not…
It’s on who He is.
And He is faithful.