I’m headed to the airport in just a couple hours. My bags are packed and, as much as possible, all the last minute details have been dealt with. Our little team will land in Bangkok at about 11am Saturday local time, which is still late Friday evening for most in the States. (For more info about our trip check here or here.) It will be my first time back in SE Asia since 2008.
I really don’t know what to expect.
The only thing I do know is that this is God’s trip … in God’s timing.
I actually tried pretty hard to get out of this little adventure–or at least postpone it–every which way I could (yep absolutely true, spiritual giant that I am) but that door just kept standing wide open.
Rarely have I been so certain of a door He was opening. I was pretty darn convinced already, but the icing on the cake was the unexpected prophetic words from complete strangers calling out not only one of the nations I was headed to, but also the specific issue we were tackling, some of the specific gifts He’s calling me to exercise. And then, just for fun, they threw in one of the most specific fears I was battling.
I told the Lord He was just showing off.
Showing off or not, after that kind of rather dramatic confirmation, it’s a bit hard to plead ignorance and say I’m still not quite sure I’m supposed to go.
That’s why I’ll be getting on a plane in just a few hours. I made a deal with Jesus years ago to never to shut any door He wasn’t shutting. Clearly He wasn’t shutting this one, so I’m walking through the door.
I know there are things that won’t be easy, but that isn’t why I tried to postpone the trip. I just didn’t feel ready. I didn’t feel prepared. I didn’t think it was the right time. I really wasn’t even all that sure how I felt about the whole thing in general.
But the truth is, I really do know how I feel and that’s what scares me. I wasn’t hesitant because I don’t care. That’s not the problem at all. Really, I was trying to weasel out for one simple reason. I was trying to protect my heart …
Because I care too much.
And that does make it hard. But He knows that. Which is why He has been so incredibly gracious and kind to reassure my heart that we’re in this together. I feel incredibly weak and foolish, but in Him I am strong.
So off I go. Maybe I’ll have lots to say when I return. Maybe I won’t. Maybe something very significant will change. Maybe things will look exactly the same.
I don’t know.
I only know this …
I’ am getting on that plane.
And I’m glad.