Monday Morning Musings: Aching for Him

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  — Psalm 42:2

I’ve been carrying an ache in my heart that has been an almost constant companion in recent days. It’s often confusing. It’s rarely convenient. And it’s incredibly difficult to communicate.

But I can never escape it for long.

When I quiet my soul — when I still my own thoughts and emotions — when I cut through the layers of distraction competing for my attention — I discover the source of the ache —

And it’s always the same.

It’s him.

It’s always him — Jesus — my Beloved — my Friend — the Lover of my Soul.

My heart longs for Jesus. My soul aches for him.  “As the deer pants for streams of water,  so my soul pants for you, my God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God?”  (Psalm 42:1-2).

This is my cry. When I’m aware of it — and even when I’m not. I want to meet with him. I want to be with him. I want to seek his face. I want to know his heart.

I want to know HIM.

But really, my ache isn’t just about knowing him …

My ache is for us — the collective us — the Church — his bride — to ache to know him. 

Because that’s his ache.

That’s his desire. That’s his longing. He wants us — individually and corporately — to want him. 

He wants us to know how much he loves us. He wants us to know how much he longs to be with us. He wants us to know how much he aches for us.

We value and pursue a lot of wonderful things in the Church. A lot of good and godly things. But sometimes in our pursuit of good things …

We miss the very best thing. 

And the very best thing is him. It’s his Presence. It’s being with him and lingering with him rather than always rushing off to do the next thing. It’s hearing his voice and hearing his heart. It’s knowing the joy of being his — the joy of loving him and allowing him the joy of lavishing his love on us.

Sometimes we get this — at least a little — as individuals, but rarely do we get it corporately. Rarely do we value the pursuit of him above the pursuit of the things he does. But that’s what I long for — because that’s what he longs for. So I live with this ache. I live with this longing. I live with an ache that really isn’t even mine …

It’s his.

And because it is his, until his longing is finally fulfilled, my heart will continue to ache too … 

My heart will ache for us to ache for him. 

Lord, fill us with your own desire and help us to understand the value you place on the simple joy of relationship. Help us choose the better part … and the better part is always you. ~Amen


I’ve heard this song by Jenn Johnson at least a dozen times in the past week.  Although it has been out for years now, it is still one of my favorites. The first part is her asking the Lord what she can “do” for him–the second part is his response. Listen and let him sing his heart’s desire over you ….

10 thoughts on “Monday Morning Musings: Aching for Him

    1. Amen! There is nothing better. “You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11). Blessings to you as well 🙂


  1. Cindy,
    I’ve been aching for Him too. I’ve been preparing for a ministry opportunity at a Ladies retreat for 2 1/2 months now. It’s been an interesting journey…basically I’ve chosen to love Him with all my heart, and mind, and strength…but my soul was empty…until tonight just a few days before this one day retreat. He moved on my heart with tears as I read a devotional which described my life and walk with Him…and I wept with gratitude that I can finally “feel” His presence. That’s always hard for a melancholy Mary like myself, but I was determined to continue to pursue Him whether I felt like it or not. Now He has come to me with tears and a fresh breeze of His Spirit and I can only pray gratefully. Put these tears of gratitude in Your bottle, are they not in your book? Psalm 56: 8
    Thanks for sharing Cindy. Oh how God blesses my heart through you.


    1. So glad He met with you, Glenda–He is so faithful! I’m sure the ladies at the retreat will be wonderfully blessed by the fruit of the relationship you have cultivated with Jesus in the secret place. May His love and grace pour through you with abundance!


  2. Wow! Wow! I wish there were a better word to use that would explain how very….Wowed! I am with your message; a message from heaven. I shared with you awhile back that I was longing to start a prayer meeting. It was not happening! Until the Lord said to me, “Prayer begins in your own prayer closet and well uh I have’nt seen much of you lately.” I knew it was the voice of truth. So I began to go there….”Oh! to tilt my head back and close my eyes and just soak in His presence; to listen to Him minister to my soul. I’ve never experienced true intimacy like this.” Cindy He has my heart; finally and fully He has all of me! I am hooked, line and sinker. Don’t you know a week later, the doors open and we had our first prayer meeting last Monday, amazing time of course. Today, which is what I was really wowing about because Jesus met the two of us in such intimacy this morning and we both were just basking in His amazing love for us. And all of a sudden the Lord poured out His longing heart through me, the voice of the Lord crying out for people; longing to share this love that He was overwhelming me with. I don’t need to tell you; you know because He has shared it with you too. Such a perfect and timely word. Truly it is God’s heart to share His amazing Love….if only we would draw near to Him; He would draw near to us.
    Blessings to you dear friend.


    1. So blessed by how Jesus is revealing Himself to you in this season.No greater joy than in His presence! So glad you were able to have your prayer meeting and that He was faithful to meet you. May it be just a beginning … the best is yet to come!


  3. I am feeling the same way. I am so happy to find this post because I thought there was something wrong with me. I have been crying so much with this longing to be with Him, to see Him, to speak to Him. I had 3 days where I felt the Holy Spirit with me and all I thought about was how the body of Christ and the church is broken. I felt it interesting that you mentioned that. So happy to meet someone who is feeling the same. Lots of love.


    1. I’m so glad you found the post–especially since I wrote it a while ago 🙂 It is always good to know we’re not the only ones! I love the way He reveals His heart to us in ways that are unique–yet similar at the same time. (Same, same, but different–as they say in Thailand!) We’ll just keep praying–because one day He WILL have the bride He is worthy of! Thanks for taking the time to comment. xoxo


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