“I am loved and I am a lover, this is my vision, this is life’s all.”
I saw this as someone’s Facebook status yesterday and it hit my heart with force. I’ve heard Mike Bickle teach this same concept many times in the past. If it can be said of us that we truly know the love of God and love him in return, then from heaven’s perspective our life is a success in every season.
I needed to be reminded of that. Lately there has been little outward evidence of “success” in living my life for Kingdom purposes. I’ve been in a season of transition and everything that was frutiful and fulfilling in times past has shut down and dried up yet nothing new has taken its place. Not too many prospects on the horizon either. Every now and again I think I am beginning to see signs of movement and catch a glimpse of this or that, but it is usually short lived and turns out to be more the product of an overactive imagination longing for breakthrough than a genuine move of God. I refuse to “make something happen”–if God’s not moving, neither am I.
There was a time for asking, seeking and knocking. There was a time for taking the kingdom by force. For me, it is no longer that time. I’ve pressed in, I’ve pressed on, I’ve pressed through, I’ve stepped out, I’ve stood firm and I’ve waited. Honestly, if there is something else I can or should be doing, I have no idea what it might be. Even if there was something, right now I’m not sure I’d have the energy to do it. Right now I can only open my hands and receive his love as a child – and love him back as best as I can right here and right now. He says it’s enough. I’m trying to believe him more often.
I long to be a person of great faith. I long to honor his name throughout the earth. I want to bless him and I want to please him. I want to love like he loves and do what he does. I want to want him even more. I want to hunger for him every minute of every day. I want to live in his presence more and more. I wish I could keep my focus on his beauty and goodness all the time. I wish I always saw from heaven’ s perspective and always waited with patient endurance and with never waivering faith. But I don’t. I need grace. I need mercy. I need him to be strong in my weakness. I need his loving arms to scoop me up again and again and carry me away to the safety and hope of his embrace. I need him … so desperately.
I need to know that I’m loved. That he’s not disappointed in me. He is not despairing. He is not frustrated. He is not anxious. He is not impatient. He doesn’t think I’m behind or that Ive “missed it.” He’s not ready to throw in the towel and give up on me. Quite the contrary–his eyes are filled not only with compassion and understanding, but also with hope and excitement for the future. He always welcomes me into the secret place of communion with him. There, he restores my vision. He restores my soul. He restores my perspective. He restores the truth …
I am loved and I am a lover. This is my vision. This is life’s all.
And my life is a success.